Life As We Know It...

Everyone always says, "cherish every moment with your children, it will go so fast!" and that statement could not be more true.  Life has a way to coming and going before our eyes, sometimes giving us time to stop and cherish moments, and sometimes passing by days before we realize we haven't taken a single moment to breathe!

The past six months since I last sat down to write a blog post have been incredibly busy and wonderful.  There have been numerous moments where I have taken every single second and cherished it, and moments that I stop and realize its been days since I took in the beauty of the life that surrounds me.

One year from the day the girls were reunited post NICU stays!
Time flies <3

Since January, we have celebrated first birthday's, moved back home from Ithaca, celebrated milestones and changes, remodeled a house, traveled to Florida to see Daddy become a Doctor, experienced varying levels of illnesses and watched babies grow into toddlers.

So many times, I sit back and look at my girls are am blown away that we have created such perfectly, beautiful human beings who are growing up into such smart and talented little toddlers.  I always imagined what my life as a Mom would be like, but I never, EVER imagined it would be as amazing as the past 16 months have been.  I have never felt so much love, exhaustion, sadness, happiness, and amazement (among many other emotions) as I have watching these little girls grow.  I also never realized how quickly time can pass by, and how fast things can happen and change.

Life as a stay at home mom to two babies is sometimes a blur of days, a mix of diapers, laundry, food, cleaning, naps, crying, temper tantrums, giggles, smiles, and exhaustion that I realize days have passed and I haven't cherished my moments nearly enough.  I've spent too much time cleaning and not enough time snuggling, too much time racing from one thing to another and not enough time sitting and playing, too much time being busy and not enough time with babies as the center of my attention.  It's in those moments that I force myself to stop and remember that these moments will only last a short time.  The baby days are gone, the toddler days are approaching and before I know it they will be gone too.  Luckily, cleaning, and laundry and cooking and all the other unimportant things that often consume my life, will always be there, they'll never change, I'll never miss them, I'll NEVER wish I spent more time with them.  These precious girls though, they will... They will grow and change and they will do so every single day, in so many ways.  I will miss every second of the earlier days and I don't want to miss it, because I was too busy missing it!

There are nights I lay in bed and think, what on earth am I thinking?  I didn't take any pictures today, or I didn't play with my girls enough, I should have sacrificed that extra sleep and snuck in an extra cuddle... It's those nights that remind me my purpose here is to be a mom to these babies and while 'being a mom' is a very BIG role, with MANY expectations, the main, most important expectation is to be there, cherishing moments, at every second that I am physically able too.

Sequence of sister kisses... This is MY life as I know it.. And it's completely PERFECT!

I am so grateful that for the past 16 months I have spent nearly every moment of the girls lives with them, seeing them grow and change and being there for them in every way.  I wouldn't trade it for the world.  Sometimes I think I miss having a social life, or doing things, but really, I became a Mom to be a mom.. and to make my life revolve around my babies.  There is nothing more that I want, then to do JUST that, and I intend to do that for as long as they will let me!

Sometimes we have play dates with cute little boys <3

The past two weeks, the girls have had some medical emergencies and it has caused me to be away from one baby or the other and for them to be apart for some time.  It has made me realize how precious their bond as twins is, and how much I truly do cherish and love EVERY moment I have with them, no matter how challenging it may get at times.

Life as I know it, is completely perfect.  I have a perfect family, working hard to live the life we want to live, making memories and taking time to cherish each and every moment.  Life as we know it flashes in the blink of an eye.  Cherish moments, hold everyone you love tight and always let them know you love them.  Life as I know it, is my children as the center of my world, and that will never change.  Life as I know.. is only getting better with every moment and memory we make.

Confessions of a Mom....Part 2

About 5 months ago, I wrote Confessions of a Mom... As I just reread that post and reflected on the things I wrote then, I realize how each of them were still so true, so still a part of our daily life and many of them are building blocks to where I am today.  Being a Mom is the biggest blessing I've ever received in my life.  I just said to the girls today, "I don't even know what I did before you.  I cannot imagine life any other way!"

Some of these confessions are going to build off of previous ones.. Some of new.. Some aren't really even confessions and are facts of our life.  Here we go:

Confession Number 1: Going in public with twins automatically gives people the right to play 100 questions with you...At least according to them!  
This confession is a continuation of Confession Number 1 from my previous post.  Here is an example.  Today we ran out to do some errands and we each wore a baby.  When people saw me or Brayton apart they would just smile.  If we walked up to one another, that same person who had just smiled at us, is now full fledge drilling us... "Are they twins?" "Girls? Boys? One of each?" "How old are they?" "Who is older?" "Are they identical?" "My first cousins wife on my dads side had twins!" "You must be so busy!" "Oh, wow!" Seriously, I think I could fill a book with all the comments people make... I can't even imagine what the parents of triplets go through... Or even parents of twins with other children.  Come on people!  I know they are cute, I know twins is a special thing, I KNOW I am blessed (although there are very few people who actually say that), and I KNOW I have better things to do than spend 5 minutes talking to every third person that passes me by!  Just in case you didn't know, I have a limited amount of time to get out of the house, to my destination, run my errands and get back home before you see two hungry, angry babies and you are REALLY cramping my style with your 100 questions!

Totally not implying that moms with one baby have lots of time on their hands.. Just found this funny with regards to the above! 

Confession Number 2: My babies are 10 months old, and I am still the only one to have put them in their carseats to go in the car. 
OK, Brayton has a couple times, but I usually go check it before we drive!
Why you're crazy!  Such a control freak!  Take a break!  Develop some trust! Yes, I hear you muttering those things to yourself as you read that.  I am okay with that, you are welcome to call me those things, in fact, I invite you to because they are true!  I all too often see people post pictures of their kids in their car seats with their chest clips at their belly button, with their straps twisted, with the winter coats on, forward facing too early, etc. etc. etc....  Unfortunately, I am often not brave enough to say anything to those people because I don't judge choices other parents make, and I don't want anyone to think I do, but it scares the shit out of me to think people are okay with their kid riding in a car like that.  Maybe they truly don't realize the consequences of it, maybe they don't think it can happen to them.  All it would take is one wrong move, on the part of anyone out there, and that kid, the one buckled in totally wrong, might not be okay.  I swear parents, I am NOT judging you, but my heart would break for you if something happened to your child that could have been so easily prevented..  Now there are people who take car seat safety to the extreme, like me and I appreciate that.  And when the time comes, I will take the time to educate anyone taking my children in their car (if that even ever happens, says the crazy Mom) on how they need to be secured.  Now, here you are muttering again, well, she thinks she knows everything!  No, no I don't.  I am certain I have made mistakes, in fact I know I have but I still take every effort to make sure they are as perfect as they can be when securing them in my vehicle.  I also hope that anyone who sees me doing it incorrectly, would correct me.

Here are some articles for you:
http://www.thedenverchannel.com/news/mom-shares-car-seat-concern-after-sons-death-11-month-old-cameron-ejected-when-chest-buckle-broke11282014

http://www.cdc.gov/motorvehiclesafety/child_passenger_safety/cps-factsheet.html

"While 96% of parents and caregivers believe their child safety seats are installed correctly, research shows that 7 out of 10 children are improperly restrained"
       http://www.seatcheck.org/news_fact_sheets_statistics.html

Confession Number 3: The days are flying by, all merging into one and I just want time to slow down! 
I am SOO thankful to be a SAHM and get to spend every day with my girls.  At this time in our life, it would probably be beneficial for me to be working, but the thought of having to leave them puts a huge pit in my stomach and I will sacrifice income and the things that come along with it to be home with these babies every day.  Sure, it is causing some stressful, challenging life circumstances for us that could otherwise be lessened, but I have learned to live minimally in the few years past.  Living on a Caribbean Island helped me learn a lot about life, who I am and living simply and for that I am grateful.  I do wonder how I would do it if I were working though.. There are days where I don't do anything but clean, cook, laundry, and busy work stuff around the house during the day while they are sleeping (which is usually between 2-5 hours!) and by the evenings (the time I would normally be home, spending time with them if I were working) I can't seem to get everything done and spend the QT I want snuggling my babies.  Between cooking dinner, making lunches, cleaning up, dishes, bed preparation and last feedings, the time from 4 pm - 11 pm seems to come and go in a flash.  If I had to compile all the 'stuff' I do all day long into that time also, how would I do it?!  I give so much credit to those working Moms who find the time!  I hope its not something I have to discover too soon!

Confession Number 4: We are still exclusively breastfeeding, combined with Baby Led Weaning and it's going great!
I feel very fortunate to have been blessed with an excessive milk supply in which to provide my babies.  They are still breastfeeding and will continue to until they are ready to stop.  I am in support of extended breastfeeding and the positive impacts research has shown it has for children.  No, I don't plan on breastfeeding until they are 3 and 4 years old, but we will continue to nurse after one year.  When we began solids, I did quite a bit of research and learned about Baby Led Weaning.  The ideals behind it are babies who are breastfed have control over the amount they eat, when to stop, how much and how quickly they get milk and that control should be continued into their solid feedings.  BLW does not do any pureed foods, and from day 1 of solids babies are given finger sized, soft pieces of food and allowed to feed themselves.  This gives them the continued opportunity to have that control over their food intake.  With BLW, it is also said that "food before one is just for fun" and that BFing should still be their primary source of nutrients.  Since we began solids, the girls have done a fabulous job experimenting with food, at their own pace.  They have discovered their gag reflex, how to deal with it, how to pick up and chew on food, and are learning to love a wide variety of foods.  I think my favorite part of this is that all 4 of us sit down to dinner at night, I put their food on their trays and they eat while we eat.  There is no spoon feeding, or forced eating at all.  They talk, play, make a mess, watch us eat and we have family time.  It is wonderful!  To go along with this, we are making every effort to keep sugar out of the girls diet for as long as possible, which the exception of natural fruit sugars.  I know I can't do it forever, and I have learned sugar is in everything, but I have also learned that our 'need' for bad food is learned.  There are alternatives and I hope to continue on this path for a while.  I think the hardest part will be getting support from everyone else.

Confession Number 5: I still write everything down!
While the girls were in the NICU I started a journal of our daily happenings because there was so much going on and so many changes that I wanted to keep track of everything and it also helped me to remember when I got the chance to send the new information to Brayton in St. Kitts.  Once the girls got home from the NICU, I really wanted to keep them on a similar eating every three hours schedule and needed to remember when I gave them vitamins or other important information that my post pregnancy mom brain simply couldn't remember.  At that time I began writing down what time they ate and for how long.  10 months later, and I still journal what we do, developmental milestones, or anything else I feel important on a daily basis.  I also still write down what time they eat, for how long, when they got medicine and what is was, when we have poopy diapers (had to start that after starting solids because they became less frequent and I could never remember who pooped when!) and when and how much I pump..... Yes, I still pump daily..  

Confession Number 6: I miss a sense of community in my life.
The life circumstances in St. Kitts make it impossible not to be part of the wonderful, yet small, community that we Rossies have there.  The Prep School also presented me with an amazing community of people.  On the island, you were always surrounded by people who were going through the exact same thing you were.  They understood what it was like to live there, the financial challenges, the perks, the downsides, the relationship challenges, and everything in between.  We all supported each other, and it was always easy to find someone or many people to surround yourself with.  I miss that, and I think that is why I miss the island, and especially the Prep School, so much some days.  Since moving to Ithaca, I have met some great Mom's who I am very thankful for but being alone most of the time and having two babies has made it challenging to get out and involve myself in the community here as much as I would have liked to.  I miss having people to talk to and hang out with and I miss having people who are going through similar life events around me.

Confession Number 7: I can't imagine not having twins!  
I have had a lot of people who only have one baby, or have two at different ages say to me, "I can't imagine having two babies at the same age!"  I often like to respond with, "I can't imagine NOT having two babies!"  When two is all I know, it's all I know, and I can't imagine it any other way!  Is it hard? YES!  Are there days when I feel defeated and exhausted?  YES! Are there times when I think I could be doing so much more? Many!  One thing that I think Moms of one baby have the benefit of is more cuddle time, extra snuggles, and Mama and baby one on one time.  While they have that benefit, cuddle time, snuggle time and Mama and baby time with two is simply incredible.  Double the love, double the cuddles!  I do have to admit though, there are times when I would love to just snuggle in and cuddle and often can't because I have another baby that needs me.  When it comes down to it, I will sacrifice that bit of extra cuddle time (which I always find time to make up for!!!) for having two perfect little girls who NEED me, all day, every day!! Beyond anything regarding me, the love my girls have for each other is simply amazing.  They have a forever best friend and to me, that is the biggest blessing of all!    

Confession Number 8: Winter Sucks... Enough said! 
Remember that time, the parking lot was filled with slushy, wet, snow, you had two babies in the car, it was 20 degrees outside, and you have to get them, the diaper bag and yourself into each of your errands spots.. That was all after spending 30 minutes finding your car under the snow bank because you haven't left the house in so long it's buried in... Yah, I'll take warm back any day now!!

Let them be little...because they are only that way for a while..

6 months was a tough milestone for this Mama.. It seems like just yesterday we were in the hospital, making the decision to deliver our babies, seeing their tiny bodies crawling with wires and tubes for the first time, staring into their big blue eyes look as they glanced up at ours, feeling their warmth as they snuggled against our chests, being able to hold them in the palm of our hands. Those tiny creatures that are our babies, those precious gifts that we made and carried, now in this scary world ready to take it on with us by their sides.  Where have those 6 months gone?  My tiny babies crawling with wires and tubes are now big girls who smile and giggle.  Those big blue eyes now glisten full of love and life, the snuggles that have only gotten bigger and better and those babies who used to fit in the palm of our hands now fill our hands and heart with more love and pride than we ever knew existed.  

If you look at my last post, you will see this exact picture one month ago.. Only my babies were not nearly this big!

This week, I have spent far less time worrying about housework and I have spent more time snuggling in with my babies.. We've always snuggled a lot, but this week we've taken extra time to cherish the moments and get as much Mama/baby time as possible.  I have loved it, it has filled my heart with so much happiness, but even with all that happiness I still feel this ping of sadness that my babies are growing so fast.  I want time to slow down, life to pause for a while so I can cherish these moments a bit longer.  As I accept that there is no slowing down of time, and its only going to go faster, I find the time each day to cherish my moments with them, to take in every little thing they do, to capture their perfection with a photo and to remember that each day I find more love and happiness in these girls.  The bigger they get, the bigger my heart gets and the more pride I feel and I look forward to that growing with them every single day for many years to come.

On Wednesday, I found myself just staring into their big blue eyes saying, "6 months ago at this time, I saw you for the first time", "6 months ago at this time you were whisked away from me", "6 months ago at this time, I had still only seen you for a brief second".  Thursday, I found myself continuing on that path but this time saying, "6 months ago at this time, I got to hold you for the first time".  That was a day I will never forget, their tiny 3 lb bodies being placed against mine.  All the pain I was feeling vanishing and my heart opening and being filled with a love I've never known before.  It's crazy how 6 months later, everyday that I lift these babies up and place them in my arms, I feel that same feeling in my heart...

Aside from my dramatic transition into the second half of the girls first year of life, we've had some exciting firsts!  A couple weeks ago my parents were camping, and we cherished our time with them while enjoying the fresh air and sunshine.  The girls even got some time to play in the kiddie pool.  They showed their enjoyment in the arching of their backs to float and further submerge themselves as they smiled and relaxed into the water.  They were floating babies, happy and cool!  This past weekend, the girls had their first river experience and loved it!  Their tiny bodies were swallowed by their life jackets as they slept their way across the river.  They dipped into the freezing cold water and quickly adjusted to its temperatures finding enjoyment in splashing and swimming.  They napped liked queens in the comfort of a rocking boat and ended every day happy and exhausted.  Life is good!      

Naps in the camper <3

Loving the pool! 

It doesn't get any more beautiful than this! 

Confessions of a Mom...

 No one can explain to you what being a Mom is like.  No one can help you understand the emotions, the frustrations, the needs, the wants, the exhaustion, the happiness.  Most importantly, no one can understand it fully, until they have done it.  I used to think that I understood.  I am a teacher, I work with kids, I have always been around babies, done lots of babysitting, I GET IT!  Then I became a Mom and that changed.  Maybe so many things changed for me because I have two babies.  Maybe it is because they were two babies who were born teeny-tiny and have had some scary encounters already in their short lives.  Maybe it's because I am a SAHM and don't have to trust anyone else with my babes.. The 'maybe's' are endless, but regardless of what the maybe is, so much about my view on parenting, and life has changed!

Here are some Mom confessions..

Confession Number 1: Yes, I have my hands full, but not that full that every time I am seen out in public with my girls, I need to be reminded... 
The comments that people make to a parent with twins are really unbelievable.. Sometimes I wonder what on EARTH would possess a person to say that to another person?  I think I get the comment "You must have your hands full" at least once every time I leave the house... Maybe instead of saying, "Yes, I do..." I should start saying, "If you think my hands are full, you should see how full my heart is!"  I've never had a singleton, so I cannot compare the "hands full" of one baby to two, but really, my hands AREN'T that full.  I have two remarkably perfect, happy, content, laid back, easy going babies who I wouldn't trade a thing about!
*In case you are wondering what some of the other ridiculous comments are, here are some:
     "Are they twins?"
          - Endless answers here..
     "Are they boys or boy/girl?"
          - My girls are generally dressed like girls!
     "Do twins run in your family?"
          - Now, this isn't so bad, but identical twins are not genetic..
          This comment is annoying when I've already told someone they
          are identical and identical twins are spontaneous!
     "How do you get out of the house?"
          - Same way any parent with a child does..
     "Better you than me!"
          - Why YES!  If that is your perspective on twins, I am certainly GLAD you don't have them!!!

Confession Number 2: I hate when people rudely question the choices you make as a parent.
Let me clarify this.  I am totally happy to explain to you/talk to you about why I am doing the parenting of MY child a certain way.  I am also happy to have a civil conversation about what you believe may be a better way.  What I am not okay with is people who like to ridicule you for doing things a certain way.  Maybe they act the way they do because they don't do what you do or because they need to defend their way over yours to sounds 'better'.  Regardless, the world of parenting is a brutal place where everyone believes their way is the better way.  We are ALL guilty of this, even me, but it's something I am going to strive to be better at because as my girls get older and people do it to me, I see how ridiculous it makes the other person look and I don't want to be in those shoes!

Confession Number 3: Sometimes there are days when all I do is feed, change diapers and snuggle babies.. And that is ok =) 
They will only be babies once and someday they won't need you to hold them and console them, so do it while you can!  

Confession Number 4: There are some days when I don't think I could survive without pacifiers.  

Confession Number 5: When we decided to cloth diapers 95% of the people I know said "I give you a month" "You'll never last!"  "You're crazy" (Refer back to #2....) and I am so glad that we made the decision we did!  
So far my girls have been in exclusively cloth (aside from 2 days Ellie was in the hospital, she had to wear sposies) since the beginning of April and I am very happy with my decision to CD.  Have there been days when I have been frustrated? YES!  Have there been days where I wanted to throw my hands in the air? Yes!  But, overall, I wouldn't do it any other way.  CDing is hard, it takes dedication, problem solving, experimenting, but I love it.  Do I think everyone should do it? NO!  If you aren't totally on board and willing to do all that comes along with it, don't.  I think it's a lifestyle choice that you have to say yes or no to, and I am very happy with my decision.

And not to mention.. How cute are those little bums =)

Confession Number 6: I am the over protective Mom I thought I'd never be.  
Yes, I know it.  Yes, I am sure it makes some people crazy that I am this way. No, I will not change.

Confession Number 7: I love Breastfeeding.
Many people also thought I was crazy to try to exclusively breastfeed two babies.  Honestly, so did I at times.  I have been incredibly fortunate to have a surplus milk supply, so far have had no BFing related issues, and my girls are great latchers and eaters!  When Brayton first came home we took a bit of a step back from exclusively breastfeeding and gave some bottles with pumped milk, but since he's gone back to school, they get a bottle maybe once every 2 weeks and I am OK with that.  I love the time I get with my girls during our feedings, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.  I hope for many, many more months of successful BFing!

Nothing sweeter than feeding my babies, and watching them hold hands.. Pure happiness <3

Confession Number 8: We get a lot of sleep at night.
I should probably never have more kids, because I am sure they will never be as good as these two!  I hope this trend continues for a long time! =)

Confession Number 9: Sometimes I miss working.. And alone time..
I LOVE LOVE LOVE being a SAHM, I LOVE LOVE LOVE my babies, I love taking them places and doing things with them, but as every normal human being does, I love some alone time.  Since having babies, I get jittery excited butterflies in my stomach when I get to go to the grocery store alone and leave the girls home with Daddy!  Sometimes I even ask if I can go put gas in the car... Alone!  It's amazing how things change!  What I love the most though, is that I get to go on that lone grocery trip, and I am gone for a few hours and I love even more, coming home to my girls smiling 'it's my Mama' face!  

Confession Number 10: I miss walking out the door, and going to the beach or the pool, anytime I want, year round.. and being tan!
When I first moved to St. Kitts, I hated it.. When I left, it felt like home and I knew I'd miss parts of it.  People ask me what I miss about it, and I have to say this is it!  Its summer here, and I am pasty, pale and white (yes, part of that is the fact I have two babies!) and I haven't been in or around water since St. Kitts and I miss it.  I miss the warm pools and the sandy beaches.. I miss places for my dogs to run and be happy, I miss the SK sun.  Maybe if I was there with two babies we wouldn't be enjoying those luxuries, but I just have to believe we would! Shaded strollers for babies - Sun for Mama - Warm pools to relax in... Back to Reality... Central Air and yoga pants!

We had our first pool outing the other day!  The water was cold - BOO UPSTATE NY! WE MISS ST. KITTS!

While fun, pool days are exhausting <3

I am sure I could come up with many more, but that is sufficient for now.. I think my biggest confession, is not a confession at all but a known truth... I am one proud Mama who loves her baby girls more than life itself!