Confessions of a Mom...

 No one can explain to you what being a Mom is like.  No one can help you understand the emotions, the frustrations, the needs, the wants, the exhaustion, the happiness.  Most importantly, no one can understand it fully, until they have done it.  I used to think that I understood.  I am a teacher, I work with kids, I have always been around babies, done lots of babysitting, I GET IT!  Then I became a Mom and that changed.  Maybe so many things changed for me because I have two babies.  Maybe it is because they were two babies who were born teeny-tiny and have had some scary encounters already in their short lives.  Maybe it's because I am a SAHM and don't have to trust anyone else with my babes.. The 'maybe's' are endless, but regardless of what the maybe is, so much about my view on parenting, and life has changed!

Here are some Mom confessions..

Confession Number 1: Yes, I have my hands full, but not that full that every time I am seen out in public with my girls, I need to be reminded... 
The comments that people make to a parent with twins are really unbelievable.. Sometimes I wonder what on EARTH would possess a person to say that to another person?  I think I get the comment "You must have your hands full" at least once every time I leave the house... Maybe instead of saying, "Yes, I do..." I should start saying, "If you think my hands are full, you should see how full my heart is!"  I've never had a singleton, so I cannot compare the "hands full" of one baby to two, but really, my hands AREN'T that full.  I have two remarkably perfect, happy, content, laid back, easy going babies who I wouldn't trade a thing about!
*In case you are wondering what some of the other ridiculous comments are, here are some:
     "Are they twins?"
          - Endless answers here..
     "Are they boys or boy/girl?"
          - My girls are generally dressed like girls!
     "Do twins run in your family?"
          - Now, this isn't so bad, but identical twins are not genetic..
          This comment is annoying when I've already told someone they
          are identical and identical twins are spontaneous!
     "How do you get out of the house?"
          - Same way any parent with a child does..
     "Better you than me!"
          - Why YES!  If that is your perspective on twins, I am certainly GLAD you don't have them!!!

Confession Number 2: I hate when people rudely question the choices you make as a parent.
Let me clarify this.  I am totally happy to explain to you/talk to you about why I am doing the parenting of MY child a certain way.  I am also happy to have a civil conversation about what you believe may be a better way.  What I am not okay with is people who like to ridicule you for doing things a certain way.  Maybe they act the way they do because they don't do what you do or because they need to defend their way over yours to sounds 'better'.  Regardless, the world of parenting is a brutal place where everyone believes their way is the better way.  We are ALL guilty of this, even me, but it's something I am going to strive to be better at because as my girls get older and people do it to me, I see how ridiculous it makes the other person look and I don't want to be in those shoes!

Confession Number 3: Sometimes there are days when all I do is feed, change diapers and snuggle babies.. And that is ok =) 
They will only be babies once and someday they won't need you to hold them and console them, so do it while you can!  

Confession Number 4: There are some days when I don't think I could survive without pacifiers.  

Confession Number 5: When we decided to cloth diapers 95% of the people I know said "I give you a month" "You'll never last!"  "You're crazy" (Refer back to #2....) and I am so glad that we made the decision we did!  
So far my girls have been in exclusively cloth (aside from 2 days Ellie was in the hospital, she had to wear sposies) since the beginning of April and I am very happy with my decision to CD.  Have there been days when I have been frustrated? YES!  Have there been days where I wanted to throw my hands in the air? Yes!  But, overall, I wouldn't do it any other way.  CDing is hard, it takes dedication, problem solving, experimenting, but I love it.  Do I think everyone should do it? NO!  If you aren't totally on board and willing to do all that comes along with it, don't.  I think it's a lifestyle choice that you have to say yes or no to, and I am very happy with my decision.

And not to mention.. How cute are those little bums =)

Confession Number 6: I am the over protective Mom I thought I'd never be.  
Yes, I know it.  Yes, I am sure it makes some people crazy that I am this way. No, I will not change.

Confession Number 7: I love Breastfeeding.
Many people also thought I was crazy to try to exclusively breastfeed two babies.  Honestly, so did I at times.  I have been incredibly fortunate to have a surplus milk supply, so far have had no BFing related issues, and my girls are great latchers and eaters!  When Brayton first came home we took a bit of a step back from exclusively breastfeeding and gave some bottles with pumped milk, but since he's gone back to school, they get a bottle maybe once every 2 weeks and I am OK with that.  I love the time I get with my girls during our feedings, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.  I hope for many, many more months of successful BFing!

Nothing sweeter than feeding my babies, and watching them hold hands.. Pure happiness <3

Confession Number 8: We get a lot of sleep at night.
I should probably never have more kids, because I am sure they will never be as good as these two!  I hope this trend continues for a long time! =)

Confession Number 9: Sometimes I miss working.. And alone time..
I LOVE LOVE LOVE being a SAHM, I LOVE LOVE LOVE my babies, I love taking them places and doing things with them, but as every normal human being does, I love some alone time.  Since having babies, I get jittery excited butterflies in my stomach when I get to go to the grocery store alone and leave the girls home with Daddy!  Sometimes I even ask if I can go put gas in the car... Alone!  It's amazing how things change!  What I love the most though, is that I get to go on that lone grocery trip, and I am gone for a few hours and I love even more, coming home to my girls smiling 'it's my Mama' face!  

Confession Number 10: I miss walking out the door, and going to the beach or the pool, anytime I want, year round.. and being tan!
When I first moved to St. Kitts, I hated it.. When I left, it felt like home and I knew I'd miss parts of it.  People ask me what I miss about it, and I have to say this is it!  Its summer here, and I am pasty, pale and white (yes, part of that is the fact I have two babies!) and I haven't been in or around water since St. Kitts and I miss it.  I miss the warm pools and the sandy beaches.. I miss places for my dogs to run and be happy, I miss the SK sun.  Maybe if I was there with two babies we wouldn't be enjoying those luxuries, but I just have to believe we would! Shaded strollers for babies - Sun for Mama - Warm pools to relax in... Back to Reality... Central Air and yoga pants!

We had our first pool outing the other day!  The water was cold - BOO UPSTATE NY! WE MISS ST. KITTS!

While fun, pool days are exhausting <3

I am sure I could come up with many more, but that is sufficient for now.. I think my biggest confession, is not a confession at all but a known truth... I am one proud Mama who loves her baby girls more than life itself!