Finding peace with life... with some ranting first!

I don't remember last summer.. I didn't think it was this hard to be away from home...

Maybe that is because it was my first summer "away".  Reminiscing back to Christmas, I think it was the same... The first one away from home wasn't so bad... that second one, took a chunk from me!  I think that is how summer is this year.

I also think this might be the time I deactivated my Facebook last year...maybe last summer wasn't so great too and I just forgot... Or maybe I was so looking forward to 10 days with my family, it helped the time pass quickly, while this year I don't have visitors to look forward too..

While I am on this rant, it is also summer is St. Kitts, so while it is ALWAYS hot, it is even hotter now, we sweat while sitting, and often times the a/c struggles to beat the heat.  I am working Summer Camp at school, which is so much harder than teaching except that we wear sweats and gym shorts and its acceptable! =)  I also know that when August ends I am done at the Prep School.. While I am looking forward to that, it is also hard to pass by those kids, the hugs and love and know that in 6 weeks that daily love is no longer..

And to continue my rant, seeing everyone from home doing the river, weekend boat outings, holidays, summer traditions, have babies, being together with families and friends.. all of it.. makes me miss home, and the love, hugs and traditions that make that part of my life complete.

ANDDDD....

with every rant comes a realization.. that life isn't that bad!  I have so much to be thankful for, and so many great things in my life..

How many people can say they have spent over 2 years, living on a Caribbean island, helping the most important person in your entire life fulfill their dream? Not many!  But I CAN!  And, I AM!

How many people can say they have stepped outside their comfort zone, taken risks, lived a life they never expected and learned so much from it?  Not many!  But I CAN! And, I AM!  

How many people have given up "money" for life, dreams, future success and immediate poverty?!  Not many!  But I CAN!  And, I AM!  

How many people have felt what its like to move away, to another country, to feel the hardships of a 2nd-3rd world country, yet make it, and come out a bigger and better person?  Not many!  But I CAN! And, I AM!  

How many people have left HOME, made a new home, new friends, and had the opportunity to make  those friends, lifelong friends that will be the only people in your life to understand the life you had over that 2 1/2 years? Not many!  But, I CAN! And, I AM!  

St. Kitts is hard, being away from home is hard... But this part of my life, has taught me SO much..  While I often complain, look for the bad and find the negatives because it makes me "feel better" for the moment being...What really makes me feel EVEN better, is taking the time to really realize that I have everything I could ask for.. and SO much more than I would have if I never left home.  I have learned who I am, discovered the world, hardships, poverty, love, friendship, kindness, sharing, all of it.

I often struggle to believe that the hardships I see and face everyday are really a building block to making me a stronger, better, more well-rounded person but they are.  And believing and making that a reality, brings peace to my life, happiness to my sadness, contentedness to my homesickness, and a new brightness to my life.

When this part of my life is over, I know I will look back and wish I could come back, and do it all again because this has made me stronger, better person and will forever help me be more appreciative of all the aspects of my life!

So today, in finding peace with my life, I take the time to realize that all the home, family, friends, "things", I see on Facebook and hear about are there, not to make me sad or feel 'left out and homesick', but to make me realize, I am the bigger, better, stronger person.  I am taking a risk, living a life so many will never get the opportunity to have, and I should be, and am, so grateful for my husband, for giving me this opportunity to grow, learn, and discover and to become, a person that is stronger than I was before, braver than I have ever been , and forever changed, for the better.

Thank you Brayton, for causing me struggle that makes me grow, giving me hardships that I have to turn into building blocks, and loving me  -  every step of the way!